


The Terms

by ofvanity



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Miscarriage, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:15:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3259547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofvanity/pseuds/ofvanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaila is warm and content under the blankets and in his arms. Sulu's heart is beating against her back, steady and raw. Their embryo, if there is a one, must exist in the the cocoon of their two bodies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Terms

**Author's Note:**

> This work is completely self-serving and probably a totally shitshow. Please note the warnings.

Sulu pretends not to hear it at first. His comm is ringing in his pocket and though the first note of it made his heart beat faster, he plays it cool. He brings it out of his pocket, and says nonchalantly as he can, “Oh, I’ve got a call.”

His Uncle Sato is sitting beside him, nursing a beer, and raises a playful eyebrow. “Someone more interesting than me?”

Sulu chuckles politely and excuses himself to take the call, “Sulu here.”

“Hey, it’s me. Are you busy?” Gaila replies, seemingly nonchalant.

“Not especially, why?”

“I just got in.”

Sulu glances back at his uncle, who is distractedly gazing into the distance, and then takes another step away from him. “I thought you weren’t coming back until Sunday.”

“Well yeah, but,” Gaila chuckles softly, “I wanted to see you.”

Sulu bites his lip at the sound of her voice, soft and coquette like an invitation. He had promised his parents he would stay the weekend so that they wouldn’t complain about his absence during the semester but he’s already been here for two weeks. He’s opened jars and cut the grass and bothered his sisters, all of his big brother duties are fulfilled as far as he’s concerned. The sun is still high over the city, but sunset’s orange tint has already started moving in.

“I’m on my way,” he promises and takes the stairs to his room two at a time.

-

Gaila’s dorm room is mostly empty when he arrives, so he dumps his duffel bags on the floor just inside her door. There’s nothing valuable inside, mostly clothes and PADDs. Gaila squeals when she sees him, wearing Terran style clothing, high-waist jeans and a cropped shirt that reveals just a thin sliver of bright green skin.

Sulu watches her move towards him and knows she’s going to launch into his arms before he’s bracing himself to catch her. She laughs in his arms, legs thrown around his waist and his hands gripping her thighs to hold her up. “Hey loser,” she greets, amiably. “Did you miss me?”

“Oh no,” Sulu teases, leading them into the room, to drop her onto the bed, completely devoid of any dressing, “I got along just fine.” He positions himself over her, “Crashed my car, got trapped on a malfunctioning turbolift, and spent majority of the summer avoiding McCoy, whose wrath I may have accidentally incurred.”

Gaila rolls her eyes. “McCoy is as soft as marshmallow.”

“Yeah, well, we’re not all beautiful young people that sway him in our favor.”

“Trust me when I tell you, Sulu,” she says, running a finger down the dip of his throat and into his shirt, “If you weren’t beautiful, you wouldn’t be in my bed.”

Gaila hooks her finger inside his shirt and pulls him forward for a kiss, chaste at first, teasing, and then hot and searching, kissing Sulu until he yields. With his back arching into her, Gaila finds give and turns them over. On top, she pulls her shirt off and tosses it aside, “As it goes, I have yet to meet a human that isn’t beautiful.”

Sulu considers this as he watches her undress. He doesn’t have an answer for her, but knows she doesn’t need one. Gaila doesn’t say things to him to make him think about life or question himself, she’s just being honest, and Sulu only knows to accept her truths.

They have sex that night only once, Sulu with his back against the headboard and Gaila riding him in short, slow thrusts. He feels hot all over and kisses every part of her he can reach while she scores her nails across his shoulders. They haven’t seen each other in months and the sound of her moaning as she comes drives him over the edge, “Gaila,” he cries over and over like a prayer.

They settle afterwards, wrapped up in each other, using Sulu’s shirt as a poor substitute for a blanket. Neither of them want to rummage through their belongings to find one. “How was your aunt’s?” 

“Boring. Arizona is a wasteland. Don't ever visit, it's a trap.”

 Sulu laughs, “Good to know. I’ll cancel any future plans to step foot in the state.”

“Yes, do. I mean, their largest attraction is an ancient dried up watering hole. Of course, my aunt insisted we go, and said all those metaphysical things that aunts do. It was tiring.”

“But you missed her,” Sulu guesses, “And you had fun with her and you can’t wait to go back.”

Gaila relents, sighing. “I did. Am I doomed to the wasteland forever?”

Sulu laughs, “No, I had fun with my family too. You’re allowed to enjoy their company.”

Gaila laughs softly and the sound of it settles over them. They are silent for a moment, watching the inconsequential flutter of her curtains against the windowsill. It’s been a while since they had a moment together but Sulu doesn’t want to overstay his welcome. Instead of letting himself relax, he asks, “When is Uhura due?”

“Tomorrow night,” Gaila replies. “You can stay if you’d like.”

Sulu considers his position. It’s not an invitation but it’s also not an eviction. He watches the curtains flutter for a second and then rallies up his courage.

“Do you want me to?”

Gaila takes his hand and kisses the pads of his fingers. “Only if you get up and find a blanket.”

-

Classes start the Monday following and for all that Gaila tries to set aside time to see Sulu, their schedules don’t line up. Which doesn’t bother either of them, it’s just a fact of world. In the meantime, there are any number of young new recruits that see her walking arm in arm with Uhura and want a piece of either.

Still, even Uhura is caught up in her linguistics assignments most of the time. Gaila finds herself spending half of her time in the Engineering building, a quarter in her room studying or sleeping, and the last quarter in the bar a few blocks off campus. Jim Kirk’s got a motorcycle and occasionally picks her up after eleven to ride to the bar. Sometimes they end up together, sometimes they spend the night with other people, but mostly each does whatever they feel up to.

She’s waiting on the steps when he shows up, wearing his trademark grin and a leather jacket. His helmet is still on and Gaila knocks on it when she stands up. “You’re not even gonna say hello to me first?”

Jim kills the engine and removes his helmet, shaking his head out of it and running a hand through his hair. “Hey, beautiful. Ready to go?”

Gaila moans, recoiling from the assault of Kirk’s breath. “Kirk,” she cries, “What in the universe is that smell?”

Kirk frowns, breathing into his hand and smelling his breath. “Mint?”

“Fucking shit,” she takes some steps back, because she can already feel the nausea coming to a head, “I’m going to hurl.”

Kirk looks alarmed and takes his comm out, “Are you ok? Do you want me to call Bones?”

He reaches out for her and she shrinks back, stumbling to fall onto the steps. “No, don’t, go away. Go without me or go home just get out of here. You’re perfume is making me sick.”

Kirk narrows his eyes at her. “I had a breath mint, Gaila, you’ve eaten them before. I have on me all the time, what’s the matter with you?”

Gaila holds her nose as he talks, already making her way back up the stairs. She’s going to have to have a mud bath, a human shower, and then a sonic one before she gets the smell off her. “Why are you still here!”

It’s not until Gaila gags that Kirk finally gets it and pulls his helmet on and peels off. He’s shouting something but Gaila can’t hear him through the helmet. She gets a text in her PADD later, after she’s showered, from McCoy: _Hey Gaila, heard you aint feelin well. Let me know if you need anythin from my end._

Gaila is eating dinner in her bed when Uhura comes home. There’s a stack of PADDs in her arms and a leather-bound book that looks like a journal. Nyota probably has a lot of work to do but when she sees Gaila, she sets them down on her desk and clambers into bed with her. “Kirk, huh?”

“It was horrible, let me tell you.”

-

Message from Gaila  
Sub: Hey  
 _busy today?_

Re:Hey  
 _working on a paper due in 6 hrs_

Re:Re:Hey  
 _let me know when you’re free_

Re:Re:Re:Hey  
 _sure_

“That’s all he said?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know why I’m so mad at him. It’s not like we committed to anything.”

“Well yeah,” Uhura says, pausing to drink from a water bottle. “But you gotta admit, after a year, that should warrant something more than a ‘sure.’’

“This is so stupid, I just have to go talk to him.”

Nyota watches her face and reaches out to take her hand, “Do you want me to come with?”

-

Even though they can’t meet up most days from conflicting schedules, Gaila always knows where Sulu will be on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. Tuesdays and Thursdays is when Sulu has outdoor PT with the rest of the Flight cadets in his year. The entire group spends the time running around the main quad, sparing or doing pushups on the lawn. Needless to say, Gaila has spent many an afternoon sitting at a nearby bench, pretending to do work but actually watching the session.

That’s exactly where she finds Sulu the following Thursday, running in formation with twenty other cadets, sweat sticking his shirt to his chest in thin sheen that reminds Gaila of the gold chain that he wears occasionally. It bounces against his neck when they have sex sometimes, but Gaila can never bring herself to ask him to take it off. It looks delectable against his tanned chest. She sits on the bench nearby, her usual bench, and waits for him to complete his cycle around the quad before reaching her.

She’s got a whole forty-five seconds to think of how she’ll break the news. It reminds her of how she used wait for him to show up in the quad so that she could get his attention. It’s always a good idea to stake out the flight cadets, the program has a reputation for attracting beautiful people, but Sulu stuck out to her from the beginning. In retrospect, maybe it was that gold chain glinting against the sweat of on his chest. He’d been running shirtless that day, grinning with exhaustion. His eyes were dark even in the brightest light.

“Hey,” he says suddenly and Gaila turns, realizing her time is up. He’s approaching her but not stopping, staying in formation with the rest of the group. “Came to cheer me on?”

“Not really,” Gaila says, standing.

Sulu keeps running, “Ouch.”

“Can we talk,” Gaila calls, but they keep running and he turns to call back, “What’s up?”

She sighs, watching him go past her and start another lap around the lawn, not even bothered. She obviously can’t have a conversation over shouting with him like this and so she plops down on the bench again, waiting. Another forty-five seconds to try to think of how to say her piece. Maybe she should’ve brought Uhura after all. One sharp glare from her can get anybody to stop what they’re doing and pay attention. But she wanted to do this on her own, and Uhura would feel uncomfortable.

She’s reverted to peeling the paint on the bench when he comes by again and she doesn’t realize it’s them until he’s already past her. “Sulu, stop!”

“Can’t!” He calls back and the cadets in his group all mock her command.

They keep running in place but she can hear him threatening them for mocking her. Gaila plops down a third time, a hot flush spreading over her chest. She didn’t come here to make fun by some pink and sweaty humans and she’s got better shit to do than wait for Sulu to decide he can talk to her. The third time he comes around, she steps in front of the group and shoves them apart until she gets to him, still running in place in the middle.

“Gaila, jeez, it was just a joke, relax!”

She shoots Gary a glare but doesn’t waste time chastising him. Sulu isn’t surprised to find that’s she’s annoyed, simply keeps running in place. Up so close, he smells like sandalwood and mid-summer musk, and it infuriates her that she loves it. “Hey,” he greets casually.

“Hey,” she repeats scathingly, “I see that you’re busy and all, with your important running-in-place and ignoring my calls for a civil conversation, but if it’s not too much trouble, I have some news for you. Is that ok by you?”

“Gaila--”

“Just came by to tell you that I think I’m pregnant, you know what that means right? As in creating a sentient life form. If that’s not too much to deal with, then, maybe you could spare me a minute of your time.” A silence falls over the cadet group, who have all stopped running and so has Sulu, staring at her like he’s been slapped. His silence only frustrates her further. “Okay, thanks, great talk. Bye.”

She pushes her way through two other flight cadets and stalks off. She’s only ten feet away when she hears the PT instructor shouting at the cadets to get back in formation. In a way, she’s relieved to have it off her chest without immediate consequences, but she’s upset that Sulu can’t follow her.

-

It takes about an hour for everything to fall apart. As soon as Sulu is free from PT, he’s knocking on the door to her dorm room and interrupting Uhura’s study hours. She informs Gaila of this through a series of carefully worded PADD messages. Gaila is hiding in Pavel’s room, and reads them out loud to him. “Cadet Sulu is knocking on the door. I am setting my assignment aside to answer it.”

“What, she is sending you a transcript of the conversation?”

Gaila ignores him and he continues flipping through his book, rolling his eyes. “Cadet Sulu asked about your whereabouts, I replied I did not know. Sulu implied I did know and was withholding the information, so I closed the door on his face.”

Chekov laughs, “I love Uhura.”

“Is that it?” Gaila complains, but then another message comes through. “Oh, look, Cadet Sulu knocked again, very politely, and when I answered it, also politely, he asked me to help find you because he is worried and he doesn’t want you to be alone. I told him you’re at Chekov’s--what the hell. She sold me out.”

Another messages pops onto her PADD, just as she’s considering how she can escape if Sulu is already in the building.

“Why are you running from him anyways? Did you have an argument?”

The new message is from McCoy but she can tell it’s actually from Jim. _Gaila I heard an interesting story today about that condition of yours. Please call Chris, she’s worried about ya._

She’s too busy trying to think of a scathing reply about how McCoy should mind his own fucking business, she doesn’t realize Pavel is getting up to answer the door. Sulu is standing on the other side, looking forlorn and frustrated, and very pink, which is probably from the exercise. Still, his skin looks clean and he’s changed back into his cadet uniform.

“There you are,” he says as soon as he sees her.

“Good afternoon to you as well, Sulu,” Pavel says casually.

“Oh, yeah, hi, Pavel. Listen, do you mind if I talk to Gaila in private for a second?”

Pavel makes a face, subtly letting Sulu know he’s not going to leave the two of them alone. “The hallway’s not very private.”

Gaila stands up and gathers her bag, and shoves her comm at the bottom, ignoring the message for now. “It’s okay, Pavel, I have to go deal with this. Let me know when you get stuck on that last problem so we can work on it together.”

Pavel shifts his eyes between the two of them but shrugs. “If you say so.”

The door swishes shut behind her and then the two of them are standing silently in the hallway of the dorm. Sulu still looks stricken, face blanched despite the blush from his exercise. He’s made no efforts to comb his hair and it’s sticking out at one end. Gaila almost wishes she had a comb. “Can I carry this for you,” he asks, reaching out for her bag.

She shakes her head. “Listen, I know I shouldn’t have told you like that, especially in front of Gary Mitchell, the fucking gossip queen that he is, but,” she sighs. She hates that they have to have this conversation in a hallway and that Sulu looks like he might cry. “I’m sorry, anyway. I just, needed to blurt it out or I don’t know, I might’ve never said it.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize for that.” His hand still hasn’t moved, his index finger sliding under the strap of her bag, tracing the seam of her uniform shirt. “I’m sorry I was so caught up in my own shit not to talk to you.”

“It’s PT, I get it.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Gaila rubs the bridge of her nose softly, soothing a growing ache there. “And about the whole pregnancy thing.”

“Can I ask why you said that?”

“What?”

Sulu looks ashamed and lets his hand fall away. “I’m just wondering what’s changed that you think you might be pregnant?”

“Orion things,” she replies vaguely, because if Sulu didn’t know how the Orion reproductive system worked before, she’s definitely not going to educate him now that it’s convenient. “Pregnant Orion things.”

He nods, “Did you--are you--? I mean, I know they don’t make At-Home pregnancy tests for other species, but is there a way…?”

“Sulu,” Gaila takes a step back, and tries to breathe through the last part of the conversation. “I made an appointment with my doctor, she's of those xeno-OBGYNs, but she's off world and no other Starfleet doctor is certified for Orion obstetrics. Until she comes back, I have no way of knowing. That’s in two weeks.”

“Would you like me to come? I mean, can I? I would like to.”

Gaila shrugs, “If you want, but if I am pregnant, you should know, I’m not having it.”

“Oh,” Sulu says, sharply, like the breath has been knocked out of him. “Right,” he nods, recovering quickly, or maybe faking it quickly, “Well, yeah, but we’re still friends right? I know we talked about being casual, but I want to be there--”

“Yeah, whatever, it’s fine. I’ll message you the details.” Gaila steps back again, and Sulu takes a confused step forward. “I gotta run, I have a class.”

“Okay, yeah. I’ll see you.”

“Sure.”

-

Class that day is insufferable. During her first class, the news is still fresh and people are mostly whispering about her without directly addressing her, which she can take because she doesn’t really care about people’s opinions. But the second class, and the final lesson of her day comes with snide comments and people alternately trying to carry her bookbag and not touch her as if she’s suddenly--

“Suddenly what?”

Gaila sighs into the receiver. It’s only been a day, “Suddenly an alien.”

Her aunt is silent on the other line. “Gaila, you’ve always been an alien. You always will be on Terra. And so will I.”

“I know,” she replies, twisting her knee out from underneath her. The bench she’s sitting on overlooks the ocean in the distance. “They just treated me like an outsider and I deserve better from a bunch of barely-adult humans. I am twice their age and I will live twice their time!”

Her aunt chuckles, “Yeah, so then what is the problem?”

“What do you mean?”

“If they are pink children and you are an all-powerful goddess, why are you upset?”

Gaila slumps her shoulders and sets her bag down on the concrete between her feet. “I think I might be pregnant.”

“What?”

“My menstruation cycle has changed, I've been having hot flashes and something in my system is affecting my senses. I haven’t started vomiting profusely, as humans are to do, but I think that will change soon as I had an overwhelming urge to vomit this morning.”

“Did you purge?”

“No,” Gaila shrugs, “I don’t know why.”

“Because you are your mother’s daughter,” her aunt says, laughing and Gaila can feel the joy in her voice all the way from Arizona. “She refused to purge when she was carrying you, had absolutely no time for it,” her aunt laughs. “But soon, her body decided what was best for her.”

“Is this what’s best for me?”

“I can’t tell you that. But even if you think you know, your body will tell you. Stay in touch with yourself, my love.”

“Aunt,” she asks, voice wavering, “I know you’re very happy for me.”

“And I know you’re frightened, love.” Her aunt pauses and Gaila waits for wisdom because if there’s anyone she’s going to listen to, it’s going to be the woman that carried her off Orion on her back. “But I believe in your ability to make wise decisions. I adore you, Gaila, I will stand with you in whatever you decide to do.”

“Would you keep it?”

“I’m am an elder, the decisions I make would be different than yours.”

“But would you?”

Her aunt hums softly, considering. “After all the time away from my family and my earth? I would.”

-

Sulu texts her that night, while she’s tossing and turning on the mattress, trying to relax. They are quick messages that light the room up with the brightness of her PADD in flashes. Uhura isn’t staying in the room tonight, giving only vague excuses about a boyfriend before leaving. Gaila reaches out to her phone on the nightstand, and wants to open the messages.

It’d be silly not to, Sulu could have something important to ask her, but she doesn’t want him to feel comfortable about his position in their relationship. It’s frustrating to deal with, but she doesn’t want him to think that this is easy for her. Another message pops up on her screen and she relents.

_Hey G, you busy on Thursday?_

_We should get together and order Chinese, watch a couple of films._

_Or rent a holodeck and go bowling or something. Let me know._

_It’s okay if you can’t though, I understand._

_I just didn’t want things to get weird between us. We’re still friends right?_

Gaila rolls her eyes. _Yeah we’re friends dumbass. I’ll come by yours on Thursday_.

His reply is immediate, _Awesome_.

-

Gaila doesn’t expect it to be awkward when she head off to Sulu’s dorm Thursday night. There’s tension between and obviously some of it can’t be resolved until certain events take place and certain xeno-specialists have clear schedules, but she was hoping that it wouldn’t get in their way. As soon as she gets there, though, she can see that it won’t.

Gaila stands in the doorway, fingers pulling at the waist of her Terran-style clothing, while Sulu runs around the room, showing her everything he’s set up for the night. “Hey, you’re here! Awesome, I’ve got movies if you feel like watching some. Uh, I ordered pizza, your favorite, of course, but I ordered Mexican, too, so if you get hungry again later, there’ll be more! We have the foosball table, too, I borrowed it from the common room. Plus the game console setup, too. And,” he exclaims, jumping to attention, “I bribed my roommate to fuck off so we have the room to ourselves, if you want to kill zombies all night, which I know you love to do until you can't see straight.”

Gaila wants to say something to indicate that she’s excited but can’t think of anything and decides on, “Cool.”

Sulu laughs, “So, straight for the pizza, right?”

“Absolutely.”

The night goes well, the two of them spend most of the time playing video games. They only put the remotes down to eat profusely and end up piled on top of each other on the couch, too stuffed to move. There’s a movie playing on the holovid, a high-concept science fiction film that Gaila had actually been dying to see, but it turns out to be a pretty shitty film.

“Wow, that was bad acting,” Sulu says once the movie has ended.

“There’s nothing worse than an awkward on-screen kiss.” Gaila muses, “Because not only is it recorded history, but it’s going to be shared with millions of people and literally, millions of people will cringe.”

“The worst part is knowing they did a dozen takes and that was the best kiss they could get out of those people,” Sulu adds.

Gaila flops back onto the arm of the chair she’s sitting in, “Exactly!”

Sulu sticks his feet up on her chair. “What time is it,” he says out loud, and pulls up a chrono on the side table. “0151, oh shit, I didn’t realize it had gotten so late.”

“I can’t move my body, carry me home.”

“Okay but only if you carry me while I carry your body.”

“Deal.”

Sulu sighs, heaving himself up, “Oh fuck it, I’ll clean up in the morning. You can sleep on my bed, and I’ll take my roommate’s bed.” He puts an arm around Gaila to help her up and misses the question she says into his shoulder. “What?”

“Why are we splitting up? The bed, I mean?”

“Oh,” he says and the stumble together to the side of the room with his bed. “I don’t know, I just thought you’d like the room?”

She stops them and uses his arm around her to pull him back. There’s moonlight and streetlamps filtering through the curtains and catches in her eyes. Gaila knows he will give. “That’s dumb. Sleep with me.”

“Yeah.”

He helps her to the bed and offers her a shirt from his dresser to wear to sleep then disappears into the bathroom to brush his teeth. She changes while he’s gone and wonders if she’s pushing him into something he doesn’t want. When he steps out of the bathroom, with a toothbrush in hand, she stops him with a hand on his chest. Sulu looks confused. “This is okay, right?”

He smiles and says instead, “I replicated you a toothbrush earlier, I was hoping you would stay.”

The sleep soundly that night, curled together on the bed similar to the night they spent together at the start of the semester. In the morning, light filters through the room and Sulu turns over in his bed to find Gaila sound asleep, her red hair bunched up in the pillow. Under the blankets, her shirt has ridden up and Sulu finds nothing but warm skin greeting him, as he pulls her back into his embrace. He’s kissing her shoulder through her t-shirt when her breathing finally shifts. The chrono on the bedside table says 0603.

“Hey,” she says and links their fingers.

“Hey,” he replies softly and Gaila immediately recognizes the tone of his voice.

“What’s wrong? Gaila says, pulling him forward to keep him from trying to get away.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just thinking about stuff,” he says, kissing her shoulder again.

“Thinking about babies."

"Can you blame me?" Sulu asks, twisting invisible patterns on her skin. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Just it's so strange to me that you might be pregnant. That we could have created another person, another part of the universe."

“Oh,” Gaila says, because it’s dawning on her now. “You want to keep the child.” Sulu doesn’t answer, but Gaila imagines if he did, he would hide behind thoughtful platitudes. "Sulu, I didn’t tell you this so you could convince me of anything, I did this so I wouldn't have to suffer two weeks alone, you know. I thought you deserved to know."

"And I appreciate it, Gaila, honestly," he sighs, breath ghosting over her shoulder and sending shivers down her spine. "I am excited at the idea of having a child, yeah, but you made your decision clear and I respect it. I'm not in turmoil over here, I'm just here to back you up with whatever you need."

"What do you think I need?"

"I thought you could use a partner for starters. Not just a friend and not just a lover but someone to shoulder the emotional weight. But I don't know, I'm not you. Was I wrong?"

Gaila is warm and content under the blankets and in his arms. She's got about ten minutes before she starts puking but for now, she doesn't want for a thing. Sulu's heart is beating against her back, steady and raw. Their embryo, if there is a one, must exist in the the cocoon of their two bodies. "No."

-

Kirk is standing on the steps of the Engineering building when Gaila shows up to classes on Monday. She’s heading to a Core Management class and eating a Terran fruit she always forgets the name of. She doesn’t notice him at first, wondering if she’s forgotten any assignments for the class, so when he steps in front of her, she runs right into him. She stumbles on the stairs and he reaches out to grab her elbow and steady her. “Ugh, what are you doing, Kirk, watch where you’re going!”

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to bump into you like that. Can I just,” he squints his eyes at her, shielding them from the sun, “Can I talk to you.”

Gaila shakes him off and steps around him. “Uh, if you can walk with me, yeah. I have a class.”

“Lead the way.”

Gaila jogs the rest of the stairs up because she knows where Kirk is heading with this talk and she doesn’t want to prolong it. Her class is on the fifteenth floor and if they head into the turbolifts, he’ll have to shut his mouth around the lift full of people. In line for the turbolifts in the lobby, she turns back to him, “So what’s up?”

Kirk glances around to see if anyone can hear them but most of the people around them aren’t interested in their conversation. “I’ve been hearing some interesting things around the campus lately, about you, and instead of participating in the gossip, I wanted to come talk to you and figure everything out.”

“Okay,” Gaila replies, chewing the fruit. The turbolift dings to it’s mark it’s journey back down to the lobby.

“So is it true? That you’re pregnant?”

Gaila sighs, a totally human gesture she picked up from Nyota. The turbolift is still ten floors up and the people around her are still not paying attention to them. Kirk looks pale, with his lips pressed together in a thin frown. “No,” she says, “I’m just late but I can’t find out anything definitive until my doctor comes back to Terra from a mission.”

“Oh, ok, good, do you know when that is?”

“Ten days.”

“Ten days, ok, I got it.” He pauses and then looks like he’s going to walk away. The elevator doors ding open and Gaila steps up to get on. A couple people crowd in to get on, too.

“Is that it?”

Kirk looks at her and then glances at the turbolift doors as they slide open. “Uh, no, wait. Is it mine?”

People clammer on Gaila hangs back for a second, waiting for a chance to step in too. “Is what whose?”

“Is the baby mine?”

Gaila looks at him now, at the nervous twists of his fingers as he wrings them together and the sweat forming at his hairline. He doesn’t smell like mint today but perhaps he’s learned his lesson since the last time they saw each other. Someone is holding the lift open for her and she’s the only one left.

“I don’t know.” She steps in and stops him with a hand when he follows. “But don’t worry about it, because I’m not going to have a child if I am pregnant, okay?” Her hand begins to shake with a tremor that follows her words and so she sets it at her side. Kirk looks relieved, cracking a shy smile that only fools the Academy Freshman anymore. “Bye.”

He walks away before the doors shut.

-

Gaila has been vomiting for ten minutes straight when her comm rings, It’s a soft jingle she almost doesn't hear but she does and instead of answering, glares at it. It rings and rings until the person on the line must give up because it stops. She’s not surprised by the ensuing message notification. Once she’s finished vomiting pure bile, she opens her comm to a series of reassuring text messages about prenatal vitamins from her aunt.

Aunt Vi is not actually Gaila’s aunt but their bond is stronger than any of the Standard words for friends They lived together on Orion, slave to the same master, and later in life, free of the same evil. Vi carried Gaila from her mother’s womb through life on Orion and when she was too afraid to move, Vi carried her on her back. They have been through it all together and though Vi has twenty odd years on her, Gaila carries her in her heart like a sister.

The only other Orion cadets at the Academy don’t fraternize with her, though they all acknowledge each other with a small smile whenever they see one another. Gaila doesn’t know that she wants to talk to them anyway. Orion was a beautiful planet but not all those who lived there carry the same experiences as her and to open her mouth would be to manifest them once again. Vi and Gaila promised each other a long time ago that they would only return to Orion, memories or otherwise, on their own terms.

Gaila rests with her back against the bathroom door, waiting to see if she’ll throw up again. She might have to bring her PADDs into the bathroom and work while she waits. She’s got a paper due tomorrow.

 _I cant take only Orion vitamins, aunt. The baby is half human_ , she writes, and doesn’t really know why.

The rest of the night she sits on her bathroom counter, working away on her PADDs. Uhura comes home eventually and barely looks up from her work to make a comment about morning sickness at eight in the evening. Gaila's comm rings occasionally, advice from her aunt, consultations from Pavel on warp core maintenance, Scotty’s drunken ramblings about anything that crosses his mind, and timid messages from Chapel, advising Gaila to confide in her.

She sends a handful to Sulu, _are you as bored as i am_

_I found your sock in my drawer, by the way._

_Uhura demands you remove it from the premises._

_Are you busy tomorrow night?_

But eventually, she gets too caught up in her work to bother. It doesn’t occur to her he hasn’t replied until the morning after. Gaila is getting dressed but gets distracted by an overwhelming urge to vomit at the scent of Uhura’s perfume. “Vanilla!”

“I’m sorry, hun, I sprayed air freshener,” Uhura replies innocently. “I didn’t realize.”

Gaila slumps against the toilet bowl. “Open the windows or something please,” she says defeatedly, “Otherwise the whole room will smell of it and I’ll never get anything done.”

Uhura is barefoot and pads her way into the bathroom. She’s wearing one earring and holding the other in her hand. “Sure thing. In the mean time, why don’t you go stay at your boyfriend’s room?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Uhura rolls her eyes, “You’ll carry his interspecies embryo but he’s not your boyfriend?”

Gaila quirks her mouth in a half-smile, “Too much commitment.”

Nyota just laughs but then Gaila is left wondering.

-

Sulu is sitting at a mess hall table by himself when she finds him. There’s a textbook open in front of him and his lunch is beside it. When she walks in, all eyes are on her and she knows why, but he doesn’t even glance up. She straddles the bench space beside him and doesn’t waste a second. “What are you doing?”

Sulu looks up, clearly perturbed. “Reading.” He reaches over blindly and grabs a baby carrot from his lunch tray. He bites it and then says, “Eating.”

“No. I’ve been texting you for two days and you haven’t replied once. I called you, I tried to get you to hang out. I’m pregnant and you’re what? Reading and eating? No. What are you doing?”

Sulu glances around and she can tell by the look of hesitation on his face that people are watching them. “Can we talk somewhere else?”

“No.”

Sulu sighs, “Okay, alright.” He shuts his book and pulls the lunch tray on top of it. “I'm bowing out. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, okay, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m asking nothing of you, assuming nothing, and expecting nothing. I know I said a bunch of shit the other night but it’s not like that. I know when to bow out. That’s what I’m doing.”

“You’re bowing out?”

Sulu is looking at anywhere but her. “It’s okay, I understand the situation. I don’t want to make it any more difficult for you.”

“Hikaru,” Gaila says calmly, and inches forward, locking her knee around his to pull him toward her. “Stop bowing for a second and tell me what you’re talking about in clear, concise words.”

“I heard about you and Jim. He’s the father, right?”

“What,” Gaila says, confused. “No, he’s not.”

“Gaila, you told him you don’t know who the father is, so you know if it's me, and if he’s in the running, then why would I be?” Sulu’s mouth is turned into a weak frown, a crease growing deeper and deeper between his eyebrows. He’s silent for a minute and though he won’t look at her, "I had to hear it from a girl in my genetics class, I was so humiliated. Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me make a fool of myself?”

“Sulu, it’s not his.”

“How do you know?’

Gaila laughs, because this must sound silly. "Because I don't like the way he smells."

"What?"

Gaila lifts herself up and forward, straddling his leg and part of the bench. Sulu, for all his anger, opens himself to accommodate her. "Every time I've encountered Kirk in the past two weeks, he's smelled repulsive to me. Like Nyota's perfumes or Pavel’s food." She runs her hands into his hair and breathes in the smell of him, sweat and lavender and sandalwood, his aftershave. "But you smell amazing to me, even better every time."

"What does that mean?"

"It's an Orion pregnancy thing, babe."

"Oh," he says, startled.

"I didn't tell you because you were right, I don't owe you anything, especially after we explicitly agreed not to be exclusive.” Sulu nods like he understands but the crease hasn't softened. Gaila breathes in again, fingers softly combing between the short hairs at the back of his neck. “But I also didn’t tell you for the same reason I didn’t tell him. I don’t know how he found out about it, probably Gary, but I didn’t go tell him.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to have this baby with you,” she confesses and feels the pressure in her chest shift and release. “Not him.”

Sulu’s stunned face turns up into a goofy grin. “What?”

Gaila just kisses him, stifling their smiles into it. He’s laughing when they part, from deep inside his chest in a way that Gaila has never heard before, a joy she’s never witnessed from him. “Let’s have a baby.”

-

After that, the two become inseparable and insufferable. They spend majority of their day in Gaila’s room while Uhura suspiciously absent, keeping each other company. They work on different assignments but stay within arm’s length of each other. Sulu takes it upon himself to police the fragrances that are most likely to set off Gaila’s morning sickness and relishes in his duty of holding her hair back when she vomits anyway.

Sulu walks her to classes, carries her books and when people whisper, because they know, Gaila can’t find it within herself to be bothered. All she needs she has in Sulu by her side. At night, they curl around each other and whisper banter back and forth until they fall asleep. It seems easy, almost. It almost seems right.

The night before Gaila’s appointment with the xenogynecologist, they get ready for bed in an unusual silence. Gaila reclines into his arms and tries to feel that spark again, the elation and the headrush and excitement, not the fear. Sulu is kissing her shoulder and she says, “Don’t stop.”

He doesn’t answer, just continues with short pecks to the brown freckles that dust her arms. He’s breathing oddly, almost ragged. She says, “You won’t right? Like if someone knocks on the door, right now, you won’t stop?”

“No,” he says immediately, chuckling a little to defuse the anguish in her voice.

“If Terra is attacked and we are called to our stations, will you stop?”

“No,” he says and knows that Gaila is asking if he would stop loving her.

“If Sol expands and swallows Terra whole, would you stop?”

Sulu stops kissing her and meets her gaze finally. Gaila’s skin is glowing the light from moon and in every inch of flesh, he finds the evidence of her, of her spirit. She’s the strongest person Sulu has ever known and he knows people from all the universe. “No.”

“Would you stop if daylight came tomorrow and I have only me in my body?”

Gaila thinks of when she met him, how his eyes would yield for nothing, as dark as the expansion of the universe. There is no dark like space but his eyes come close, even with tears in them. “No,” he promises, and this is the last time she believes him.

In the morning, they will find out that Gaila is pregnant, but the embryo is silent inside her, devoid of life. After that, there's no going back.


End file.
